lockjaw hell

HELLO! 'tis me back again with another blog after english exam. tomorrow idh school because it's mt and i'm taking hindi :) but YES YOU SEE THE TITLE. i would like to start with a background.

see right i used to do carnatic vocals and now due to certain... vocal cord changes... and my voice getting deeper i cannot sing high notes so i quit. after 8 years of carnatic vocals woohoo [TAKE THAT 6-YEAR-OLD ME FOR PUTTING ME THROUGH THIS TORTURE.] before i quit though, i had to take my year 6 exam, which consists of 1. theory and 2. singing. let's not talk about the theory part [my teacher stared at me like "what is this crap" after looking ONCE at my answers] HELL NAH. we're focusing on the SINGING part. 

to help me sing higher notes, my mom, being my mom, went on facebook and was searching on how to get voice projection, and she saw a post from AN ACTRESS. i repeat, AN ACTRESS. NOT A SINGER. and somehow she just decided to follow whatever that reel said to improve my SINGING. the actress shared that she put a pencil/finger between her teeth like how a horse's rein clamp thing is in its mouth, and recites her lines, to i quote "get my lines flowing and projected without any mistakes" YES SHE SAID THAT.

so my mom basically assumed that this would work for singing, and that my voice keeps cracking at high notes because i wasn't projecting my voice, though LITERALLY EVERYONE knows that i have a loud voice. so she made ME stuff a PENCIL. between my teeth. and then pulled it back so it was practically forcing my jaw open. i never knew this would make my life a living HELL.

see it was june 2023 at that time, and i mostly started feeling the effects after the exam, and it was PAIN. AGONY. like i couldn't yawn, laugh, sleep, eat, basically open my mouth without a sharp pain in the right joint of my jaw. now, though, the pain has decreased a bit but IT STILL HURTS. i decided to tell that to my mom and she was like "oh it'll go away tomorrow" but guess what it didn't so everyday for the next two weeks i kept reminding her, and she. was. pissed. 

so eventually we went to this one doctor, who said he couldn't do anything, said to go to a dental surgeon, and charged us $60 for that useless consult. IF ONLY MY MOM HAD LISTENED TO ME WHEN I SAID WE NEEDED TO GO TO A DENTAL SURGEON. so we went to a dental surgeon. who did an x ray of my jaw, and didn't see anything. WHICH WAS WEIRD, because i definitely felt something wrong with my jaw. so the surgeon suggested i get muscle relaxants in case this was a muscular tension, but i didn't get my muscle relaxants.

previously i thought it was still there because i didn't take my muscle relaxants, but now looking back at all the times i was sick, i have realised that i was taking muscle relaxants in every medication i took, especially for headaches from my sinus. well that was cancelled out, THIS LOCKJAW AIN'T FROM MUSCULAR TENSION. welp.

one and a half years of my life filled with the inability to open my mouth fully and take complete bites of burgers and biriyani has made me miserable, and i would like to introduce you to the new hypothesised cause of my pain:

"TEMPOROMANDIBULAR DISORDER" or TMD. throughout year 2 and year 3 i was desperately searching for a possible cure for this, so i went to this one website called "mayo clinic" or something and apparently it was government-approved so i was like OKAY let's see if i can stop this agony once and for all. so here read the symptoms:

Pain or tenderness of your jaw [okay not really tender, but pain yes.]

Pain in one or both of the temporomandibular joints [YES.]

Aching pain in and around your ear [HOLY- yes.]

Difficulty chewing or pain while chewing [YESSSSS.]

Aching facial pain [no not really but still the muscles around my ear and cheek HURT.]

Locking of the joint, making it difficult to open or close your mouth [HELL YEAH.]

so it was confirmed. i had TMD. but there was a subtext:

TMJ disorders can also cause a clicking sound or grating sensation when you open your mouth or chew.

OH MY GOODNESS IT WAS REAL. YES IT IS TMD. but as i scrolled down though, everything just got worse and worse.

Diagnosis
Your doctor or dentist will discuss your symptoms and examine your jaw. He or she will probably:
Listen to and feel your jaw when you open and close your mouth
Observe the range of motion in your jaw
Press on areas around your jaw to identify sites of pain or discomfort

If your doctor or dentist suspects a problem, you may need:
Dental X-rays to examine your teeth and jaw
CT scan to provide detailed images of the bones involved in the joint
MRI to reveal problems with the joint's disk or surrounding soft tissue

TMJ arthroscopy is sometimes used in the diagnosis of a TMJ disorder. During TMJ arthroscopy, your doctor inserts a small thin tube (cannula) into the joint space, and a small camera (arthroscope) is then inserted to view the area and to help determine a diagnosis.

AHEM THE DIAGNOSIS????????? HELP???????????? WHY DO I NEED AN MRI/CT. this feels too extra but OH WELL let's keep on reading. the passage was too long, so here's the link for everything:

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/tmj/diagnosis-treatment/drc-20350945

my oh my was i terrified. HANG ON. i just hope therapy works to be honest. but i don't think it will. it's been there for the longest time and so far no improvement. that's out of the way, next is surgery. NO LAST OPTION. just... surgery. i'm also counting the TMJ arthroscopy. WHY. WHY ME. 

so i'm probably going to see another dental surgeon after exams, wish me luck. this is hell. and if anyone got any advice PLEASE LMK. I NEED HELP. 

- atimsa