lights camera and smile

TW: emo but gets a lot better at the end. trust the process.

hello. anonymous because i think this is a difficult time for a lot of people. unfortunately including myself.

i agree with the previous blogger. and if anything i felt relieved after reading her blog because it felt like she voiced out my feelings for me as well. i'm pretty sure other people in our squad feel the same way.

POP is really soon. but it's getting tiring. i love Parades but i can't help but feel exhausted and terrible afterwards. i don't know why. Parades are really fun don't get me wrong. but the after effect is terrible.

im losing hope. what if all my contributions boil down to nothing? it sounds immature. but it really is just how it is, no matter how much anyone tries to deny it. sure, contributing is a basic duty of each and every Cadet. sure, it should be ideally out of passion and not with ulterior motives. sure, you can say all the factually and theoretically accurate stuff, but no. no matter what, it's just how it is. i was reading our Ma'ams' old blogs. what if it repeats? what if everyone really is a liar? what if everyone lied saying, "be hopeful, stay positive, it'll be alright." when it clearly isn't?

i can barely sleep. i feel like i don't deserve to sleep after screwing up so many tests. i lost my appetite. i can't bring myself to talk to my friends. i can barely even force myself to turn up at school.

and here i am because i can't bring myself to tell all this to anyone without feeling like a pathetic weakling who can't handle anything. because everyone just seems to judge so easily.

turning up at school every single day is a pain. i'm getting sick of it. and each day it gets worse.

every single time something goes wrong, i tell myself, "it's okay. things will get better eventually." but it's getting exhausting. how many more screw ups do i need to deal with? how many times do i tell myself it'll be fine? and my friends. i tell them to stay positive. but how long more? how long more do i need to suck it up and keep going like everything is perfectly fine? it's getting hard. it's getting tiring. but i can't give up, if not everything will shatter.

everything is bad. terrible.

but that's the point.

you don't give up. even when you're dying to.

so i have a solid plan.

i'm going to lights camera action smile my way through this. because i'm a real tough kid. i can handle anything. and you are no different.

and if you're going through a hard time too, remember 3 words.

YOU GOT THIS.

you really do, even if it doesn't feel like it.

and so do i.

my grades are trash. my energy levels are trash. my social battery is trash.

but i got this.

because life won't throw stuff at you that you can't handle. remember that too.

maybe my contributions really will boil down to nothing in the end.

but i got this.

always.

having the right mentality helps you go a really long way. and this is not a joke. no matter how hard things get, always tell yourself 3 words:

you. got. this.

and keep going.

if things go wrong, it's fine. you got this. you can handle it. you will take care of it.

so what do we do now?

lights camera and...??

smile! you got this kid.